two


tomorrow I start working at a new place, for a new company. And honestly, as much as I am hyped, I'm super nervous. Mainly because I got a job that I didn't technically sign up for. And me being me, I couldn't reject it.

I applied for a position to be one of the admin assistants in this certain company, a Muslim company. Wrote an email, sent it in the middle of the night and got a Whatsapp text the next morning. I was shocked, but also grateful cuz out of the 15 emails I wrote that night, only this company bothered to get back to me. Told me to come to their office so we could talk about the work details etc. Yaknow, normal work stuff.
Take in mind that I applied for an ADMIN job. When I got there, they saw my resume, looked at my previous job experiences and asked me whether I wanted to try to work at one of their booths during the Ramadhan period. My job was to sell one of their products at a very very isolated area. So being the kind of person I am (who can't reject for nuts), I accepted the job. Because at the back of my mind, I was rejected so much by other companies, I just wanted to secure a job. No matter what it is, I just needed to keep my mind moving, and not stay at home doing batshit.

i know i should be happy that i finally have a job that's true to my religion and beliefs. And company that doesnt discriminate me for not being able to speak in a certain language and a company that feels I should start from the bottom so i know what the top feels like. but even with all that, i just feel underwhelmed. When I graduated, I was so excited about finding a new job and starting a new life in a new company. But after being rejected so many times, finding a job was like "Agh anything would do as long as i'm being paid."
There's no motivation, determination and there's no more passion to work. Before I was so excited about working for a new company and even if I had a shit position, I would be happy because i applied for a job i WANTED and GOT IT. but now even if i was accepted, i feel meh because the position i applied for was something that i was not even interested in in the first place.

i just hope everything turns out well. because honestly, I don't know what i'd do if this job doesnt work well for me. Another month jobless I guess? This country should do something about their hiring process. It fuckin sucks dicks.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

six;

For 22 years of my life, i've always been the kind of person whom was okay with eating alone in the canteen, or a restaurant. I was okay with studying alone in the library, I dont have to have anyone around me, because I thought to myself that studying alone was always easier because there wasn't any distractions. I was okay with going out and having fun, I loved spending time with my friends and family. And it makes sense when I say that whenever it comes to the weekends, when I don't have work or any plans to go out, I hate being home. It gives me too much to think about and it makes me feel truly alone. Its different when I'm out alone and when I'm home alone. Even if I wasnt alone at home, it would make me feel like it. The idea of being trapped in a house, not having to function my brain to its maximum, gives me a lot of anxiety. And it always leads to me listening to music the whole day, and just being by myself, alone, in my room, sad. Even if I was listen...
Read more

three;

Image
when people ask me about the story of how i met my boyfriend, i'd normally tell em that we met in school years ago, fell in love a few years later and got together. yaknow, short and sweet, no drama bla bla bla. but today, i'd like to tell people how i met my partner and how i want to spend the rest of my years with him. we met when we were in ITE (Institute of Technical Education) , I was 17 and he was 18. we weren't instantly friends, he had his friends that he close with and I had mine. Our cliques never had a chance to 'hang out' and that is partly because his friends didn't like mine. I don't exactly remember how we got into texting, but he told me (from what he remembers) that he found out I liked bands at that point of time and he texted me. And then we just got 'closer' and hung out for a bit outside school. He didn't really want to be seen as friends in school because I guess he didn't want our classmates to 'tease' him ...
Read more

four

my self-esteem was something that i had struggle for almost all of my life. a lot of my friends don't see it, and a lot of the new friends think that i'm confident in everything that i do.  but i'm not. i tend to overthink a lot of things, change my clothes just because i think its an eye sore to others or sometimes just dont go out at all, because i feel ugly.  its difficult to feel good about myself. i stare at my body after a shower and I hate it. every inch of my body feels, ugly, disgusting. my fats, my celulites, my breasts, my belly, my thighs. Every inch of my body, i just wanted to carve out of me. these are the days where i feel so terrible, i just sit and cry. wondering why people even like me. then i start to wonder whether people just want to be with me out of pity. thought to myself  'maybe they're with me just to gain something'.  bad days comes and goes by they never disappear. it'll always be a part of me and it sucks. its a shit...
Read more